Everyone with depression and or anxiety deals with it in different ways.  One of my ways is imagining this sort of conversation between my Anxiety, Depression and my Sensible stuff.

Depression: "Heeeyyy Anxiety.  You know I heard everyone is laughing at you...."

Anxiety: "Really? OH MY GOD."

Sensible: "OBJECTION where is your evidence for this Depression?"

Depression: "Oh I have my sources...."

Anxiety: *whimper*

Sensible: "Oh please! You're a known liar Depression.  Come on Anxiety ignore her, she's just trying to upset you."

Anxiety: "Can we *sniff* can we do something nice."

Sensible: "Yes, how would you like a nap?"

Anxiety: "I...I'd like that thank you...."

Depression: "HEY GET BACK HERE! I'M NOT DONE MAKING YOU FEEL BAD!"

Sensible: *leads Anxiety away while flipping off Depression with both hands.*

It helps me deal for some weird reason.

I hate being an Adult

This week I have been on top form at being a grown up.  I've managed my home studies for my BA in history (I'm an Open University student), I went for walks, recorded my diet and exercise, attended a Friends meeting for my son's school (essentially the PTA), called the doctor and got a refill of my medications and even got that number of a carpenter that my Father in law wanted.

And I am fed up with it all.

Oh sure the ladies on the friends group are great, I'm ahead on my studies and my doctor is the best doctor I could hope for but I can't shake the feeling that I'm a big fraud and they're all going to find out that I'm really just a 14 year old who thinks farts are funny and wants to watch Sailor Moon, Dragonball Z and Pacific Rim in a blanket fort with a pile of snacks.

I don't feel grown-up or together or anything even when I do have my shit together.  Yes I get a nice warm glow when I've answered all my emails and do all my errands...especially if I can do them without leaving my room...but then I get hit by the "Oh God I'm actually rubbish aren't I?" Doing too little lets the fear of "being found out" in but also doing too much does as well.  It's like I'm standing there with a smile doing things and thinking "Oh god, I can't keep up this act for much longer."

I know I'm not the only one who feels like this and I know I just have to ignore that niggling doubt and fear. However knowing doesn't always help with the doing.  So I might not get a blanket fort this weekend, but I am sure as hell watching Pacific Rim because who needs to be an Adult when you could have giant monsters battling giant robots?