This body

So yesterday I was going to take a shower and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror.  As usual I winced and looked away.

Then I stopped.

I have learned that my face is not hideous but not my body. I still wince when I see myself and tell myself how ugly I am.

Yes I have a loving husband who tells me I'm beautiful but I of course don't listen to him.  This time I thought of that and thought of how I know my brain is not a reliable source when it comes to myself. So I looked at myself.  All the parts of me that were lumpy or saggy or odd or different and I said to myself.

"This is the body my husband loves.  This is the body that he thinks is beautiful.  This body is the one that makes him smile.  This body is the one he loves to hold.  This body, how it is now, is what he doesn't want to share.  This body, as it is, is what he wants. This body is beautiful to someone."

My husband is a much better judge of things then me, so when I see myself in the mirror and I want to wince and look away and tell myself how I'm ugly I'm going to stop and look at myself and remind myself that there is a person who finds me beautiful....and if I tell myself that enough maybe I'll start to see it too.